Why Is My Burger Peeing?
Why Is My Burger Peeing?
Not all restaurants are created equal.
For years Tiff and I had heard amazing reviews of The Toothsome Chocolate Emporium & Savory Feast Kitchen in Orlando, so when exploring the Universal Hollywood Citywalk we decided to give it a shot.
It might sound weird coming from a person that just bought east and west coast annual passes to one of the most highly themed organizations ever created, but I'm not a huge fan of theme restaurants. I'm also not a person that's really into chocolate, so I was kind of at a disadvantage coming here. You really have to enjoy the nuances of chocolate because it is in nearly every dish and drink here.
Even with all of that in mind, I decided to give Toothsome a chance.
Atmosphere
If you are not familiar with the brand, Toothsome has a steampunk aesthetic and lore based theme. Shiny gears, top hats and googles are sprinkled throughout the restaurant. There is also a digital clockwork factory with music on display serving as a backdrop. Unlike the chocolate, you don't have to be a steampunk cosplayer to enjoy eating here but it might help.
Getting a table was fairly easy, there wasn't much traffic during this part of the day at Citywalk. The host and our server were both amazing and friendly. The downside of the restaurant being fairly open was that the soundtrack to the digital display played on repeat, loudly. The volume made sense if the place was packed and to give a soundtrack over the din of a ton of customers talking and eating at the same time. With only a few tables full, it was very noticeable and on a continuous loop.
Appetizers
We chose to order two appitizers with our meal. The first was the chocolate almond bread (think Outback Steakhouse bread, but chocolate) which was warm and more loafy than brownie and came with a caramel butter spread. The bread was good, but felt more like something that should be part of an included bread service, not something to spend extra money on.
We also decided to order the Crab and Artichoke dip and pita chips. The dip was well flavored with spinach, crab and artichoke and deliciously cheesy. The chips held up to the dip well, but the portion of chips to dip was very uneven. Normally I'd just use the leftover dip with whatever bread was brought to the table, but didn't think chocolate bread would meld too well with a cheesy crab sauce.
Neither one of these dishes impressed me enough to order them again for myself, but I might nibble at them if they were ordered for the table.
Crab artichoke dip on Lavosh chip. Chocolate bread in back...not to be eaten together
Entrees
For our mains, Tiff ordered the Braised Short Rib. It is served on a bed of mashed Yukon Gold potatoes with carrots, jus and a (you guessed it) chocolate gremolata.
If you're wondering what a gremolata is, it's supposed to be a mixture of garlic, parsley and lemon zest. Somehow the chocolatification worked in it's favor and overall while not blown away with dish it was tender and well seasoned.
Braised Short Rib with hert chocolate
Next was my burger. There were several items on the menu that I was intrigued with, but for the most part I'm a simple gal that likes a good burger.
This was not that burger. From first appearances it looked like it would be a decent choice. I'm not a fan of bacon or a ton of fixins' but I know how to take them off without complaint.
Looked like a damn good (and thankfully not chocolate) burger
The fries also seemed pretty unassuming, if undersalted. The grilled tomato seemed like an unnecessary ingredient, but not too unusual. Neither the burger or the fries seemed to have been chocolatized, so that was already a step in the right direction.
Just fries
The problem showed up after the first bite. You'd think my shirt was decorated with the juicy goodness of a well prepared burger, but you'd be wrong.
This was the most aggressively wet and yet horribly dry burger I have ever had in my life. Every bite was an explosion of liquid that tasted like nothing and gave us no indication where it was coming from!
I took off the tomato, still wet. I took off the bacon, pickles and lettuce, still wet. At one point I just held it over the plate and watched everything just...flow. It was a surreal experience.
After all of that we were just done.
We decided against ordering anything from their dessert menu which if you hadn't guessed by now, leaned heavily chocolate. Instead, after paying we took a walk through to look at the theming close up and looked at the selections in their chocolate shop were you could find an assortment of truffles and other chocolate treats to purchase individually or packaged.
The Verdict
For me, this place as it was, is a miss. It just isn't my kind of place and that's alright because now I know. I feel like if we had visited when it was a bit more alive and buzzing with other customers then the atmosphere might have been more alluring and that aspect probably appeals to more people.
At the end of the day, I'd rather not pay for a burger that pees on me. R. Kelly jokes aside.
